


Save Me

by Nkushae



Series: Love Yourself [1]
Category: None - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Brotherhood, Bullying, Developing Friendships, Emotional Baggage, Family Drama, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, InsecureKhusyir, Male Friendship, Multi, Negative feeling, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, friends - Freeform, suicidal thought
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-05
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2020-01-05 04:15:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18358424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nkushae/pseuds/Nkushae
Summary: Khusyir was a star. He was everyone's idol. He was important.But after big misunderstanding during his primary school, He is nobody.He is not the same as he was back there.His emotion was destroyed and his trust was long gone.Now he is just him. The empty shell. Only breathing for the sake of living.Not until, an intruder come crashing his life.This is his story. Not really.





	1. Epilogue (the beginning of everything)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi. I'm a new writer and English is not my primary language. Bear with me and if anyone wants to proofread my work and corrects my grammar, feel free to contact me. Thank you in advance :)

Like his name, Ahmad Khusyir shined brighter than the sun. His friends adored him and loved to hang around him to play together. He does not have to give full effort to please, yet, they will flock him like bees. His name never left anyone’s mouth full of love either from his peers, teachers or his beloved family. Or that’s what he believed. His teachers loved his kind attitude. His parents could never be prouder than they actually feel both in academic and curriculum. His siblings looked up to him. 

He knows. He knew. In nine years he had lived, he will have a bright future ahead as bright as the actual sun. He was proud of his name. His life was perfect. He loved it. He’s getting loved everywhere. From his parents to his teachers, to his peers and also his siblings. It’s perfect. Or at least that he thought. 

People always put responsibility onto him but frankly, he never cares. He does not care. He loves to be the center of attention. He loved to be wanted. He loved to be the one who controls everything. He loved it when people adored his leadership skill. He loved /that/ attention. 

Yeah! He knew. He realized. 

But! 

After that event, he knew every single word from his lips carried a certain weigh. He knew his words either can save or can destroy everyone around him forever. Just because of the single word. Just single. 

Yeah!

He just realized. 

He realized his bad wording could bring disaster. His nonchalant words carried heavy weight which changed his life and certain people whomst he did not want to have anything with. Not anymore. At least on this world.  

//

“Listen now. Everyone sit down. We need to finalize our budget for our end-year celebration. So take your seat everyone.” Hafizah, his teacher knocked her knuckle onto the desk in serious. 

All his friend hanged around him quickly find their own seat without further ado. Anticipate their future plan. 

“Okay kids. Listen carefully. We really need to finalize our budget spending and judging by you all faces, I know, for in fact, you guys are a bunch of lazy kids /not/ that I care.” She looked at each and everyone faces before settling on her favorite student. “Having to say that, I choose Ahmad to bear such heavy responsibility to give a full report about the spending records. I want the details. Why such purchasing is a  necessary and what for. Got it?” right after she finished her words, the unnecessary noise erupted. 

TAP! TAP! TAP!

She knocked on the desk again. Tried very hard not to look pissed. Tried hard enough to put some smile. “First of all, listen to my words, kid. I still do not finish yet.” More to try to calm herself down. “I have my own reason why I chose our beloved Ahmad. He has great leadership skill and also good at math.” She still looked at her favorite student.” So Ahmad, up to the challenge?” 

“WOOOOOO~~~” his classmate made some noise once again. Some were applauded. Some started to dance around the class. As long as the responsibility /not/ fell onto them, they did not care whose the victim is. As long as not them.  

“How about it, Ahmad? Up to the challenge?” She looked at him desperately. 

Khusyir just smiled shyly. Biting his lips just to stall some time before nodded in agreement. 

“Good. great.” His teacher chirping. “Now as the leader, do your job.” She pulled him in front of the class happily. “Without further ado, go show your showman skill. If anything, I’ll be inside my room. Till then.” She whispered at his ears before ran off to her room, dumped all the responsibility to his student. 

“Listen, everyone, let's discuss our budget and finish everything once and for all today.” He quickly took the role. They discussed thing in a serious manner, jolted everything all the ideas after some consideration. Later, they voted which idea is the best to put into action and before they start to plan their budget wisely. It took them a great one hour to finish everything and finalize everything. 

The cooperative environment made the job easier than ever, yet, he still thinks he lacks something. He was bothered by the quiet individual /who/ minding her own business without contributing anything to the class. 

He was furious. 

He was disturbed. 

The first mistake he made : trying very hard to be a good leader and talking to the girl. 

“Manal? Do you want to suggest anything? Any ideas apart from all of these?” He asked in a provocative manner. Challenged the girl for some unknown reason, he himself, find it ridiculous.

Manal stopped her work deliberately when Khusyir still pestering him over something trivial. She looked at him annoyingly. “Nope.” Her voice sounded harsh. What her heart intended too and continues her work once again.

Frankly speaking, it feels like someone hit his ego hard. 

Second mistake : triggered over trivial things and worked out over the simple answer. He knows. He knew. But he could not let that slide because he is such a drama queen. He knows. He knew. And he regretted his choice badly. 

“Are you sure? I mean we still open to any kind of suggestion.” Still pestering Manal. 

Manal started to get annoyed by his persistence questions. She looked at Khusyir likes he is the most filthy human being ever. “No. Nope. I do not have any idea. PERIOD.” And she continued her work. 

“Sushi King?”

“Do not know.”

“KFC?”

“Never eat.”

“McD?”

“Never heard.”

“Empire Sushi?”

“What?”

“Any delicious food stall? You think?”

Manal gave laser shoot to him as an answer. 

“Fine.” He gives up. However, he could not, he wished not to let such matter slide. His heart hurt. He needs to do something. Needed to do something. To ease his curiosity. 

Third mistake : becoming nosy and deliberately spread fault news inside the school ground. 

Soon, after the incident, he sat at his seat and contemplating everything quite in a long time. Long enough until his next teacher entered the class and resumed their class lesson. He does not even answer the question which /usually/ was his favorite main spot to be known. He stills could not make out why Manal does not want to pay attention to his advance and really bothers him until the end. 

When the bell rang and everyone started to retreat to their respected home, he grabbed one of his friends hurriedly.

“Jannah!” Says him while turned his back to look at his behind deskmate. 

“Yeah?” Answer her.

“Is she poor? Manal?” 

“Manal? Poor? What do you mean?” 

“I don't know. She does not know Sushi King. Never eat KFC. Never heard of Empire Sushi. Is she that poor? I mean I felt shitty. Like I offended her for asking those question. So I really want to know her status so I won’t make such mistake again.” 

Jannah lifts her eyebrows high, a bit baffled with his elaborate question. “I don’t really know though. Yeah. I think she is. I think. Tsk.” She looked at Manal angrily /who/ still minding her own business without disturbing anyone. “She should say she does not know. Not acting snobbish and brave in front of the class. Tsk.” 

“Nah. Let her be. I just want to help her. That’s all.” 

“Nah. Let me show her something. Something that can put her at her place. She should know better to never mess with you, me or us.” Jannah sounded evil and he started to freak out but he never let it shows. 

Fourth mistake : He let Jannah do whatever she wants. 

The next day, he went to school as usual. Greeted his friends as usual and he was positive his life will be the same as before. Boring lectures, fluttering her teacher, be kind to his peers and bla bla bla. Little did he know…

His eyes followed Jannah’s group /which/ coincidentally gang up against Manal. But he! Yeah, the old he just let it slide and minding his own business without breaking them up. 

However, the situation started to out of the control. The confrontation became a silent treatment, and silent treatment turned into bullies. 

And no one helped the poor lady. Everyone seems to agree to ignore the situation. Including hin. 

Last mistake : never clear the misunderstanding made by him, himself. 

Fast forward to three months, unexpected news arrived at their class and put everyone on edge. Her class teacher came to the class in furious, throwing her file on the desk. 

“Tell me. Who?” She asked. “Who? You better confess before I investigate each one of you and trust me. Something ugly happens.” 

Everyone clench their teeth and shut their mouth. Looking, pointing and glaring at each other. Tried to escape the wrath. 

Aslan? Khair? Jannah? Nik?” His teacher recited names that she could remember and point at students she could reach. Start to accuse them before Jannah raise her hand in confident. “Yes, Jannah?” 

“Ahmad. Ahmad starts everything, teacher. He’s the one spread the news.” Her index finger point straight at her direction without waver. Her confident voice sends a shiver down to Khusyir bone, make him speechless with a ridiculous situation he’s in. 

“Really? Is he…” Hafizah glared at him this time. With the dirty look and he knows he is in trouble. Her eyes were so menacing makes him hard to foam any speech and develop his defense. It looks like she tried to put the blame on him and tried to end her investigation by scapegoating. 

He tried to search for his friends’ help but only meet with betrayal gaze. All of them seem to agree to make him the perpetrator even though all of them knew he never was. He never is. Some even nodded and some just stared at him in disgust.

“In the blink of eyes, he /is/ everyone’s enemy. Friends who he thought was in his side, never be his from the start. They never really accept him. Not really. 

In the blink of eyes, he’s alone without a companion. He’s in the desert without any help. 

In the blink of eyes, admiration turns into a dirty look. They turn their back from him. 

And he realises…

This time, he is alone. He is at Manal’s place. 


	2. He, what we call a fine yet a great specimen; Sahir

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cue Sahir.  
> He knows what's up.  
> But he never dares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is an introduction to a new yet important character.  
> He knows something. But he does not really act for some reason.  
> Why? Only he knows why.
> 
> Triggered warning: suicidal thought. If you can't proceed, please kindly drop this chapter coz up from here, his evil side takes over.

After what happened when he was nine years old, his life changed dramatically. He is not the old Khusyir anymore. There’s no smile on his face. No one paid attention to him. Not even his family member. He never dares to voice out his opinion. He never shows his true self anymore.

Since then, he tries very best to hide inside his invisible shell.  All part of his body cut off any connection from outside. Including with his family member. Now, only he and himself in his own world. No one can interfere. No one will ever get hurt again. Enough is enough.

He never dares put his beliefs on human anymore. Not anymore.

His nightmare is his best friend, ever since.

And now, he is 18 years, enrolled in elites university in Kuala Lumpur. Majoring in communication and is a second-year student. His life is very simple. Really simple. Apart from anything, he can be proud of his intellect. He can be considered as a genius especially when he always skipped grades.

He comes and goes from campus, study and waiting for the next class, eating besides drain (only fairy tale has a tree without weaver ants. Malaysia has a lot of insects). And after he finished his classes, he dashes away to home without a second thought.   

All he did it with zero interaction with another soul called human except group work (unfortunately). Even so, he prefers to do it alone. Thus, zero interaction with humans which is highly preferable.

Because of his family stationed at Ipoh and he studied at KL, his papa bought him a unit of condominium for his accommodation and also a small car for transportation. Not to be an ungrateful child, however, he never dares to return to his family house even though his mother always asks him to return every holiday. He does not dare. He never dares. He is scared.

No! He won’t return to that place anymore.

Never again.

He had enough with all scars. Open a new book! Open a new page! Open a new chapter!

He is sure like he did back there that he can shine (stupid thought isn’t?), he is sure he can live without the help of any other human and he is really proud with his achievement so far. Less interaction with human means less destruction. Like before. He won’t repeat the same mistake. Not anymore. Even when other girls tried to talk his out, he rejects them instantly without a flinch. He doesn’t dare to associate himself with those pure and good girls. He is evil. Too evil. And he succeeded to make himself isolated from people. And he is happy. From the very bottom of his heart, he is really happy. He thinks.

YET!

Like he was wrong with his small version prediction then, he also wrong with his prediction now. One stubborn soul started to harass his peace.  Like naughty kid scribble, ‘no entry’ sign and forcefully entered his life.

Honestly, he did try his back to repel the advance however, it's not as easy as one can think. That boy came closer to him with his wide grin and welcome face. And he almost loses the battle. Once again.

ALMOST lose.

Not yet.

The fine specimen called Sahir came into his life forcefully dragging him around effortlessly. Towing him without his permission.    

Their fate intertwined since four months ago when he tried searching for his project partner unwillingly (because of he is such a loser, he could not find his partner immediately like the rest found their partner instantly as easy as tapping their friend left or right. Because of he sat alone at the corner like a loser he is and he IS a loser, so he doesn’t have anyone one to tap to) then cue Sahir offered himself to be his partner; a bit bashful while rubbing his neck.

Knowing he is not in any position to be choosy, he immediately agrees. (but I swear to god, if only I can change back time, I will say no. Oh God. He is disastrous). They are a partner since then.

He doesn’t know how he can agree and why Sahir drag him around but that dude forces him to go to a place he hates so much.

‘Communicating with human being’.

Yay~~~ ☹

//

“How’s the movie? To your liking?” Asks Sahir sucking his orange juice. Eyes firmly staring into Khusyir’s hazelnut eyes which only munching his food without any voice.

He becomes silent for a moment. His eye eyeing his surrounding around him in the middle of rewinding the movie he watched not a long ago. Hand scratching his temple unknowingly whilst continue chewing his food.

“Okay.” He nods in agreement not long after. Eyes fall on the food once again. Doesn’t care to carry the topic further.

Sahir pondering something. Searching something inside his friend’s eyes before decides to continue his story. “I love the storyline. Salute to the director though. I don’t really see a lot of cliches and the heroine really independent…” he starts his agenda ever since they become partner project since four months ago.

Trying his best to entertain Khusyir or at least to make sure to see he’s flashing a tiny smile but so far to no avail. Not, is not funny or anything, he is more than he can count by his ten fingers to laugh at Sahir stupid story, he is more than ready to cover his mouth to laugh out loud but…

A sudden old flashback haunting his mind like a harsh warning to him. To show him why he is at this breaking point and what he did in the past cannot be undone. As a medal for him to be put inside his heart for destroying some innocent soul back then. He can’t be happy. He can’t smile, not when he destroyed her life.

Her heart almost stops beating. His life was perfect. His right hand clenching tightly on his left-hand shirt fabric. He is a dirty kid. He has been tainted. He can’t keep on destroying people happiness. He shakes his head. Not anymore. Please.

He can’t be happy.

He doesn’t have any right to be happy.

He never dares to touch any happiness anymore.

And if Sahir ever notices the changes, he never comments nor does anything, just indulging himself with his own joke hoping his friend to pay attention to him.

“Do you have any plan after this?” He still did not give up to hear his friend precious voice. Eyes try to read his friend or that’s what he thinks.  

Khusyir shakes his head.” No. I can only think of my bed right now. I’m drained.”

Sahir biting his lip but still nods in understanding, still, wants to talk to his friend. “I heard you got full mark Western News Network quiz.”

He drops his gaze but still nods.

“Teach me?”

His eyebrow lifted up hearing the question. He quickly looks up and straight into his friend eyes a few seconds before drops his gaze again. “Whatcha mean? You want me to teach WNN? What’s your midterm score?”

Sahir does not answer immediately. He gives what it calls strange noise no one can interpret even himself. Yet he settles down not long after. Relaxing on his own chairs. Accepting his bitter reality. “13/30. Not even half marks.”

Khusyir almost gives any reaction but he held his ground firmly. “Tragic,” he mumbles under his breath before regretting only a millisecond later.

“Tragic, Isn’t?” Sahir laughs bitterly.

Damn!

His eyes wide open hearing the laugh and his friend bitter word. He swallows hard and his shoulder fall. “So… sorry. I don’t real… really mean it.” He stutters out. Swallow. He's clutching his own knuckle tightly. Guilty starts to form inside his heart.

However, Sahir laughs loudly. Doesn’t notice his mood changes. “Sure I am.”

He bites his own lips. Feels guilty again and again.

_You live in trouble, Khusyir. You destroy people’s life again and again. You should die. Even when someone saved you, you should find any other way to die. You should not keep on breathing. You will destroy other life soon. You should die. Enough is enough, Khusyir. You destroyed that girl’s life. Now this boy? Your almost nonexistent friend? Enough, Syir! You know what you should do. You should go. Just go._

He holds his breath unintentionally.   

_You ruined other’s life, Khusyir. Your hands are tainted. THAT woman might be dead by now. All because of you. Congratulation. I’m begging you, Khusyir. Please lives in fear. That’s your place now and forever._

_And you don’t deserve a friend like Sahir. Wake up._

“Kus! Kus!” Sahir knocks the table in worries. And he comes back from reality. He sips the air slowly. “Are you okay?”

And let the air go from his lungs harshly. His chest feels so tight right now. Oh no.

He flashes some tiny smile, nods. “I’m good.” contradict to his word, his starting to feel funny but still reaching for Sahir and patting the hand. For an assurance.

“Okay. great.” However, Sahir is an observant person. He may be not a professional but he does know when to push his friend or when to withdraw. Right now, he can only let his friend go.

“Erm…”

“Yes?” he looks into Khusyir eyes.

“Need… need to go. Still have something to do.”  stuttered out. He tries his best to be composed as he could even though his breathing starts to get caught in between. His chest starting to hurt. But, not in a million years, he let anyone see his miserable self. Not anyone. Especially Sahir.

“Oh.” Sahir sighs, forcing a brittle smile onto his face. “Sure.”

“Goodbye.” give a brief nod while standing up. “Till then,” he practically runs away without looking back at his friend. All because he knows what will happen if he stays any second longer than that.  

“Till then.” Says Sahir silently. In hollow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy this chapter. Please leave comments and also kudos. Thank you. See you in the next chapter.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you can leave comments down below. See you in the next chapter. Hope so.  
> Disclaimer : This is based on personal experience. If you decide to stay, some action may be not to your agreement but I hope we can come to a term where you respect my work.


End file.
